My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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