She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
