Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
