Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
