I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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