Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
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i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Two words: nipple clamps
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