you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
