sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
