Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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