we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
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Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
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I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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