Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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