I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
