We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
