If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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