i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
