mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
barbara walters just said penis...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
