I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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