good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
