no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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