She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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