You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
