My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize