Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
