I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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