Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
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I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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