R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We are two peas in an std pod
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
