hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
