How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My cat gives me a boner
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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