a queef is a wish your heart makes.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Randomize
