the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
now i know why i became what i already was.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My ass is underappreciated
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
