You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
