he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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