that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
