He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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