If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
