escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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