What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
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