Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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