and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
