I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
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Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
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The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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