yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
