My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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