Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
