did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
