I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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