I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
