So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
