Yo dont text me then not text me
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
