I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
