I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
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