remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
