but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
