I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
