We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
sarcasm needs its own font
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
