Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
sarcasm needs its own font
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
