...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
