I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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