Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
