fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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