Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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