there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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