just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Randomize
