I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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