My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
the day after is always just damage control
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
