My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just google imaged poop.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
